Monday, May 11, 2015

A Fish Out Water: A Prologue

Summer is upon us, children of the lord, and with that brief window of sun and capital city construction work comes the looming music festival dates like a woman slowly undressing in front of a sex addict in a sleazy motel just off the interstate. If you listen close, you can hear the sounds of rising erections and pulsing panties in drug dealers as they wait for their excess of summer cash.

Or maybe that's just me being a judgmental asshole. Who knows? Who cares? Not I, said the scribe. 

Last year I experienced my first music festival at Electric Forest, something I did because the hippy absolutely loves it and I wanted to experience something she cares so deeply about with her. It would be a learning experience and an opportunity to grow closer to each other. I expected to hate every single single second of it.

Look at that bald, miserable piece of shit. Look at that gorgeous hippy.

(Photo courtesy of the official Electric Forest Photographers or whatever.)

People. Crowds. People. More people. It sounded awful, like a trip to the doctor to find out what that weird growth on your penis is, praying its something benign and soon to be forgotten. Naturally, my extreme pessimism was unfounded and the entire trip turned out to be some of the most fun I've had on overpriced vodka.

And so, to carry on the tradition of new experience, the hippy and I will be going to both Summer Camp and Electric Forest this year, a feat that's guaranteed to stomp the life out of my bank account like an ant wandering through a military march. And since I will still be quite the fish out of water, I shall document my experiences and record them here, for all of you to see just how awkward and judgmental I really am. 


In other news, the cover art to She Sees Metaphors is nearly complete!!! The final proof reading is well underway and my hopeful date of June 8th may not be a pipe dream so much as a general time frame for something that will most certainly happen. Details, pictures, and all that jazz will come as soon as I have something to offer. 

Stay tuned, stay safe, and stay out of cheap brothels.


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